13,000 men and women describe how they “get over the edge” to orgasm
Too many women are having trouble reaching orgasm, but only when with a partner. Women only orgasm one time for every three times men orgasm. When women are on their own it is a different story. This discrepancy prompted us to find out more about the women (and men) who have frequent orgasms with a partner. How they do it, how they get over the edge to orgasm? What are their orgasm techniques?
Top 5 orgasm techniques
Our bodies learn our individual and unique way to orgasm earlier in life. That ‘style’ gets imprinted on our brains and is difficult to change. But good sexual experiences and high arousal can expand our repertoire of how to orgasm.
Which orgasm techniques work for women?
Top 5 most popular effective orgasm triggers for women:
Below is a list of the techniques that inspired the most frequent and satisfying orgasm in women. Keep in mind that this is just what the numbers say are associated with orgasm. Every women will have her own style and preferences. Below are the techniques that tend to be most effective in terms of frequency and satisfaction:
- “Stimulating my clitoris (with oral sex, hand or sex toy)”.
This one may seem obvious. And it should be, as the clitoris is women’s main sexual organ and the most direct route to orgasm. But women often try to orgasm without getting the right stimulation. This may account for the orgasm gap between men and women. Touch the clitoris!! - “’Letting go’ into the experience”
It’s not surprising that “letting go” enhances great sex, as being fully present in the moment drives the experience. Mindfulness anyone? - “Focusing on the pleasure I am feeling”
- “Holding tighter, pulling closer or pushing into my lover”
- “Focusing on my physical sensations”
Which triggers are associated with orgasm frequency?
- “Being encouraged to have an orgasm“
Interestingly, researchers did not find this effect in men, highlighting how many women feel their orgasm is not prioritized (the “orgasm gap”). Their partner prioritizing their orgasm is important. The key word here is to ‘encourage’, and not ‘pressure’. Pressure to orgasm will only add more distracting thoughts. Both men and women need to elevate the woman’s orgasm as important.
- “Looking at or thinking at my lover’s body (or part)”
This was unexpected because people often assume that men respond more to visual stimuli than women in bed. But, as it turns out, imagining your partner’s body was effective for women for both more frequent orgasms and orgasm satisfaction. - “Anal touching or play (eg. fingering, rimming, intercourse, pegging, etc.)”
Anal play increased frequency and orgasm satisfaction for these women, but it decreased both for men. This may occur because society imposes less stigma on women than men regarding anal stimulation. The anal area offers intensely pleasurable sensation in the human body. Women have figured this one out! - This was interesting because many women often become aroused by the opposite role, “submitting,” which produces fewer orgasms. My best guess is that “submitting” may build arousal, whereas “dominating,” (or being able to dictate what happens right before orgasm) helps to get over the edge to orgasm.
- “Doing something ‘new’ that we don’t normally do”
Newness came up a few times for women. This is not unknown as several studies have found that women need a certain amount of newness to stay interested in sex in long-term relationships. Surprisingly, more so than for men. Newness is important for women’s arousal (). When women imagine new acts and new people they have more orgasms, however this was opposite for men. A possible explanation may be that imagining a new partner inspires performance anxiety. - “Imagining being with a new or another person”
- “Focusing on what my lover and I are sharing together”
- “Keeping going, doing the same thing we are doing”
- “Watching what we are doing”
- “Making eye-contact with my lover”
Which are the most effective orgasm triggers for men?
Men have less trouble with orgasm when with a partner, but we wanted to look at everyone. Men applied the following techniques, which increased orgasm:
- “Watching my lover’s excitement, pleasure or orgasm”
- “Hearing my lover moan, scream or vocalizing their pleasure”
- “Going harder, faster, deeper or increasing intensity”
- “Holding tighter, pulling closer or pushing into my lover”
- “Looking at or thinking about my lover’s body (or part)”
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This helps you talk to your partner about how you want to be approached for sex.