What is your sexual initiation arousal type?
SEXUAL AROUSAL TYPES
What gets us erotically interested in having sex with a partner? There are many reasons to have sex with a partner – connection, pleasure, orgasm, pleasing our partner, etc. But the “why” we have sex can be quite different from what taps into our erotic brain and fires up our arousal system. Arousal just seems to happen, sometimes but not other times. It can appear at the strangest of time, or be more predictable, with the heat coming from a favorite alluring sex scene in a movie or book.
We may have a general impression of what type of man (or woman) we are attracted to, or maybe even know what sexual acts we like to watch in sexy movies or read in erotica. But outside of those vague ideas, sexual arousal is like a black box — we know it when we experience it, but the inside workings elude us.
Research has determined women’s arousal to be ‘complex’, but has little to say about the specifics. Until the 60s, women were believed to be sexually aroused only by the feminine aspects of sex such as intimacy and soft touch, when Alfred Kinsey (Sexual Behavior in the Human Female), Nancy Friday (My Secret Garden) and Shere Hite (The Hite Report) reported that women’s fantasies were often as bold and “dirty” as men’s were.
More recently, we have seen women finding 50 Shades of Grey driving them to act on a new-found sexual arousal.
So, what actuall turns people on?
Our erotic map (the complex blueprint of what turns us on) is unique to each individual. It consists of genetics, throbbing hormones and erotic experiences that were ‘imprinted’ during early adolescence. As we go through life, these erotic maps change slightly as we experience different types of sex, or are altered by our environment, stress level, health and partner dynamics.
While each person’s erotic map is different, there are general themes that run through the erotic maps of women. After two decades of studying women’s arousal, in my practice as a sex therapist and a sex researcher, I have identified four primary types of arousal in women and men – of how they like to be approached for sex.
Each person has four types of arousal influencing her overall pattern, but it is usually only one (or two) arousal themes that are the real driving forces.
What are the benefits of knowing your arousal type?
When you know your primary arousal pattern, you can have much better sex. It allows you to tap into your arousal when you want it, as well as reach orgasm more quickly. Also, if your partner understands your “arousal type” they will have a map to better arouse you. Conversely, if you knows what arousal type your partner is, both of you are more likely to get what you want out of sex, increasing intimacy in the relationship.
Which arousal type are you?
Just as there are different types of learning (visual, auditory, kinetic), there are different ways your partner can approach you for sex to get aroused with your partner. The four sexual initiation arousal types I have identified are:
The Sensual (Sensation)Type, who is body-oriented and relying on the senses (touch, smell, taste) to fuel arousal. They get hot by the sensation of their skin being stroked, smelling a delicious scent, or tasting something erotic. read more
The Sentimentalist: The Sentimental Type’s feels erotic when they “connect” with their partner. They thrive when they share with him/her, or when they feel that he/she “gets” them. read more
The Sexotic Type, who is head-oriented, relying on thoughts and imagination to drive sexual feelings. This type is fueled erotically by thinking about/seeing certain sexual acts. Fantasy and explicit movies are important tools used by the cognitive type to imagine different acts in their erotic map. read more
The Surrender Type gets his/her arousal from “letting go” of thought. Their main source of arousal is when their partner “takes charge” (in play). Being desired is important to this type. read more
While each person will be a complex mix of all of the types, we can get valuable information about our own main erotic map to control our arousal and make sex sizzle.
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Finding out your very own arousal type:
You can learn which main type you are. Fill in a short questionnaire and find out your sexual arousal type (and in the process contribute to sex research and a greater understanding of men and women’s sexuality).