What is directed masturbation?
Directed masturbation is a step-by-step exercise used to help keep erotic focus during masturbation.
When arousal feels too low, or you are having trouble getting enough arousal to reach orgasm one of the only treatments that has had consistent results to increase arousal and reach orgasm is directed masturbation.
Directed masturbation was developed in 1970’s and has lasted the test of time. It uses a combination of body and thought awareness to retrain the body and brain to experience sex as more pleasurable and effectively positive.
Teaching the body takes the form of looking at the body (women are notoriously unfamiliar and uncomfortable with their genitals).
Directed Masturbation Exercise 1:
Relax, bathe and feel in good mind space. Sit in a comfortable position and with a hand mirror look at your vulva and clitoris. Note the texture of the skin in the different folds. Look at it with wonder instead of judgement. See its beauty and pleasure.
Teaching the body to feel sexual again is the first step. Another part of this is to include the mind and look for issues that may be blocking or moving a women’s attention away from the erotic and onto sexually destructive thoughts. These blocks could be in the form of sex-negative values or beliefs taught in childhood or bad sexual experiences.
Set the scene: Preparation
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Time/space: Pleasure takes focus. It is essential that you not be distracted. Clear a time/ space that will allow you to relax without being interrupted.
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Go Solo to Start: Pleasure is the easiest way to reach orgasm. This is because you are not distracted by another person. You are able to go focus on what you like and won’t get bored or cranky with repetition. Especially if it feels good.
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Know your type:
Increasing arousal can help
In order to do that, know which things turn your sexual crank. It is helpful to know your sexual arousal type. If you are aroused by erotic sensations, have a sensual bath. If you are aroused by a partner’s desire, explicit sex or thoughts of being ravaged. Get a sense of works for you and leverage it. (Take the test)
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Dedication to pleasure:
Having a good time in masturbation requires “letting go” into the pleasure. If you are worried about what your mother might think or what a priest said about shame, then pleasure may be difficult to achieve. Give yourself permission to have feel pleasure in order to get the most out of this (including reach orgasm).
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Explore: Find the ‘Right’ Stimulation
Getting Started:
Get into the right head space. Be in an excited, positive mood. If you are too tired or frustrated you will just fall asleep or get frustrated.
Get in a comfy position. (* All positions?) Position yourself in any place your find most comfortable where you have easy access to your vagina. Sitting up with your backed propped up with pillow is ideal to give control and thrusting power. Sit up leaning against a pillow or couch. If you don’t want to watch or find that position not ideal, try different positions to see what works best for you.
Get the Motion
Explore. Take time to move your hand, dildo or water around onto different parts of your vulva and clitoris. Find what feels good to you?
With your Hand try: (* position of hand on clitoris)
- Circular motions with pressure are commonly known to bring a woman to orgasm.
- Patting
- Squeezing
- More
If using a vibrator, start out with a brief touch on the labia (lips surrounding your clitoris) at the lowest setting to get a sense.
Build up your movements
Do what feels right, moving faster and harder as your arousal builds. * note: you will become less sensitive as your arousal reaches higher levels.
- Rock your pelvis: (* motion of rocking) one of the most successful techniques to building sexual energy comes from the east. Rock your pelvis back and forth, breathing in as you point your pelvis down and in when you pull your pelvis in.
- Repeat 3 -5 times until you fill the warmth building in your genitals. This technique brings blood and oxygen into the clitoris building for orgasm.
Include the Mind
Sexual arousal, orgasms and pleasure don’t happen by physical stimulation alone. In fact, the majority of the orgasm occurs in the mind. If you are blocked by stress, expectation, negative sexual messages, guilt, fear or boredom, you could be blocking your orgasm potential.
Use fantasy/mental images. Know what you like and use it to build your arousal to a point where you can reach orgasm. (read how to fantasize, find your arousal type)